Memory & creativity

I have been amazed at how much Noah remembers. It is clear that key learning events get stamped into his mind. For example, this morning I was organizing his toy box, and pulled out a blue (plastic) Easter egg. Noah tried to get it open, and struggled a bit. Then, he finally got it open (I may have helped a bit), and he said, "the boy open it." This was a reference to several months ago (it had to have been over the summer) when we were playing outside, and he was holding the same plastic egg. One of the neighbor boys came over to talk with us, and he opened it for Noah. We haven't really played with it much since; it has just been sitting unnoticed in the toy box.

Similarly, yesterday we went to the toy store in Jenkintown (support your local businesses) and when we got to the door, Noah saw it was open, and said, "the lady come open it!" Many months ago, while we were at Jenkintown Java across the street, Noah had wanted to go from there to the toy store, but it was closed. We let him try to open the door, noticing it was locked. I told him, "It's locked. We have to wait for the lady to come and open the door." We waited there for at least 10 minutes before we convinced him to do something else instead. He still remembers these moments!

Speaking of language, he's getting great at constructing sentences. Yesterday morning, he said, "The basketball is outside in the garage over there." Pretty impressive for an almost 2! The clarity of his language in the morning is striking -- it is so evident that those little neurons are working hard while he's sleeping!

He is a typical 2 in that he wants to do almost everything himself. He wants to get in the carseat by himself. He wants to turn his the light off at night himself. He wants to close the shades. He wants to turn on the Christmas lights in the morning. He wants to take his shoes and socks off by himself-- to the point that if I take something off that he wanted to take off, I have to put it back on and let him do it! :) One of his common expressions is, "Noah do it!"

His singing is adorable. His favorites are, "The Wheels on the Bus," "Dora, Dora, Dora the Explorer," "Twinkle, Twinkle," "ABCs," "Elmo's song," and one I made up about handwashing. I often make a little jingle when we are on our way somewhere, like, "we're going to the school today" to the tune of "Wheels on the Bus." Yesterday, I swear he made up his own song! It was also to the tune of "Wheels on the Bus," and went something like this, "Going to the ding, ding, ding; ding, ding, ding; ding, ding, ding; going to the ding, ding, ding; all day long." Translation: the "ding, ding, ding" is the railroad crossing by our house. This is a favorite activity of his as well -- watching the gate close with "ding, ding, ding..," the train passes, and then the gate closes. It is one of his all-time favorite things in the world.

The Bird

It's 6:30 in the morning. It's dark outside. I'm (mostly) sound asleep. Suddenly, I hear, "Mommy, the bird!!" as Noah turns to look at me and gets up on all fours.

I say to the excited little body next to me, "Noah, you're sleeping. You're having a dream. Go back to sleep. We'll see the birds later." I've mentioned he is an active sleeper. Well, this bird must have been flying around our bed or something, because he kept insisting, "the bird!!"

Eventually, I convinced him to try to go back to sleep (thank goodness!) and, since sleep times got a little off this weekend, we all slept until 8 am.

Boy, these active dreams really help keep things in perspective. I'm sure he'll be a night waker for many years to come, thanks to a dad that has trouble falling a sleep and a mom who's also a sleep talker (and has sleep-walked at least once).


And, on the topic of morning birds, about 2 weeks ago, Noah and I went to the bathroom one morning to brush our teeth, and just as I hoisted him up to the level of the mirror, a sparrow came flying through the bathroom door, with Monty right behind him. I may have screamed out in surprise, but I managed to quickly open the window from the top. The little bird flew right out, thankfully. What a surprise!

Here's a phone picture from an outing to the mall last weekend. What a little boy!

"What's That?"

Noah is now 22 months. His newest phrase is, "what's that?!!" He points at things which I have no idea what they are, like that large, metal cylinder on top of a utility pole, or the thing-a-ma-jig that does something-or-other that I never really knew had a name. Isn't he too young for this? I thought the endless questions came around age 3!!! Anyway, I'm sure it's helping him learn fast.

Speaking of learning....yesterday, suddenly, Noah can sing the entire alphabet. I have sung it to him for months, and yesterday, he just decided it was time to start singing it! Tonight he accompanied the song with some banging on the tambourine. Just amazing this little guy. I'm going to do my best to record it...



Coming soon: a video of one of the best things about fall...

First phone conversation

Noah entertains the idea of the phone and responds when Mimi or Papa talk to him on the other end of the line. Today, I called Nano while he was at the store with Noah, and he put me on the phone with my sweet toddler for the first time (I always declined in the past). We had our first conversation! It went something like this:

Me: Hi Noah!
Noah: Hi!
Me: Are you at the store with papa?
Noah: Yeah.
Me: Is it fun?
Noah: Yeah.
Me: Did you have fun with Eenie and Faith today?
Noah: Mm-hmm (perfect intonation for yes)
Me: Mommy's coming on the train today. Are you going to come see Mommy on the train?
Noah (excited): It's so fun!
Me: I love you! Te amo. Te amo!
Noah: (chuckle)
Me: See you later! Chau!
Noah: Chau!

If only I had recorded it! So cute!

Smile!

These are the best times in our lives. Noah is at an incredibly amazing age; everyday something new and cute surprises us! The other day, with the camera pointing towards him, he yelled out, "cheese!" and made the cheesiest smile you can imagine. It turns out he was practicing posing for the camera that day with his new friend, Faith!

Last Thursday we had a fabulous time running around, watching the trains and ducks, and climbing the treehouse at Morris Arboretum. Here is a cute video, where Trey runs non-stop and Noah adorably tells him to smile for the camera when he blazes by.

"Smiyull, Smiyull!"


Noah can count to 10, but 8 is always notoriously missing! He can recognize some numbers when he sees them, and definitely gets the concept of counting. The first time he counted on his own, I was holding him while he "helped" me cook pancakes (or was it banana bread?). I was describing what I was doing, as usual, and was measuring out cups of flour. I said, "one," and when I went back for the second, Noah said, "two..." What a surprise that was (it's been many months now)! He often starts to count when there are several items around he is interested in.

Some of Noah's favorite words these days are, "a light!!" "a tunnel!!" and "a train!!" He often uses "reach," and "stuck" Some of his favorite things are screwdriver (shoe-wada, then stew-wada), car (tah), bicycle (bicekul), wagon, swing, slide (side), stroller (stoler) and soap. Some of his favorite places are "playground" (paydown), "store with papa" and "coffee shop" (coffshop). One of my favorite expressions of his is using the word fun. He totally gets the concept of "fun" and says things all the time like, "It's so fun!!" "Bronwen Trey, fun!"

The other night as I was falling asleep, he called out in his sleep, "a tunnel!!" and then fell silent. He is definitely a sleep-talker, and his very active sleeping sometimes wakes him up (unfortunately for us).

I find it amazing that Noah is very good at sharing right now. If I ask him to give something to another child, he almost always does it. He also uses "thank you," though most often when giving something to someone else :)

Lunch

Noah is talking so much now! We logged around 50-60 words and then stopped counting, they kept coming so fast. About 5+ are in Spanish (palta, agua, más, auto, gracias), and the rest in English. Today, for example, a new word was "work," because he was looking for Papá and I told him he was at work, and two days ago, a new word was "stuck." They are starting to get more complex as well, conceptually (work and stuck are more conceptually complex than apple and pear, I think). He has made a couple of two word combinations, like "agua mamá" (mom's water) and "bye-bye, water" (water going down the drain). He hasn't made any real sentences, though he often repeats "where is she?" to mean "where is it/he/she" (he picked this up from a book where there is a hiding cat to find).

Today we went to the supermarket after lunch to stock up our refrigerator. I wheeled him around in the car-cart for a while as he "drove;" when he tired of that, I carried him a bit as I finished, and then took him over to the toy section for some walking time before sticking him in the car seat to go home. He played with some toys for a while, and then something on the other side of the aisle caught his eye. It was a small tub of those little sweet "jimmies" (sprinkles people put on ice cream). Noah grabbed the tub, turned to look up at me and said, "lunch?"

So cute!

Becoming a mother and returning to work

REVIVING AN OLD POST

I just ran across this post from 2009 and thought I would try to get it edited for posting.
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Ever since Noah came into my life, I have been continually surprised and amazed at the intensity of emotions related to motherhood. Above all, I never thought being a mother could be so meaningful. Up until I was about 27, I couldn’t even imagine myself having kids. I never would have imagined even considering being a stay at home mom – career was always important to me (though I certainly made my share of compromises for work-life balance).

Then came Noah. The first 6 weeks of were intense; we were overwhelmed. I had no idea there would be times (several occasions, for several hours) when we couldn’t console him, even while trying every trick in the book. Then, by the time he was 6 months old, the only thing I wanted was to stay home with him for a couple of years. It was a challenge to find a care provider I felt comfortable with; I just couldn’t imagine entrusting the most treasured, vulnerable living creature to a total stranger. Thank goodness we found someone wonderful who loves him (and whom he loves) very much.

In short, my expectations were totally off. I had no idea what it meant to be a mother. I had no idea how to calm a baby. I had no idea that the beginning would be so hard. And, I had no idea that having a child would mean experiencing a love that was like a high, a surge of endorphins at every smile, every new accomplishment, every expression of his being.

As part of a class I took last semester on qualitative research methods, I conducted a survey on becoming a mother and returning to work (or not) and distributed it to a local breastfeeding resource center (and to friends and friends of friends). I also talked to a few women who were kind enough to respond to my email and devote their time to an interview. I wanted to post what I found publicly to whet the curiosity of those who were so generous with their time to answer my questions.

Part 1: Survey Responses

The survey sample is not at all random, so it is only “representative” of highly-educated, mostly white women. Here are some sample statistics:

Race, age, ethnicity:
Hispanic origin 2.9
White 90.7

Marital status:
Maried, spouse present 95.7
Divorced 2.2
Never married 1.5

Socioeconomic status:
Some college 6.5
Bachelors 39.6
Masters, Prof Degree, PhD 54.0
Own home 87.8

Type of birth:
Singleton birth 97.1

Observations 139


The Surprises of Motherhood

When asked what women were surprised about during the first 6 weeks of motherhood, women mentioned (i) the difficulty of meeting the needs of their newborns, (ii) their own exhaustion, (iii) the intensity of love and amazement they felt for their new babies, and (iv) the new sense of responsibility and their change in identity as a person.

Janice is a good example of the mix of emotions and surprises experienced by many women:

First, I could not believe how much I was in love with my child. I had no idea that I would feel that level of love. Second, I was surprised by how difficult it all was. The lack of sleep. Not knowing what the baby’s needs were. Trying to balance my marriage. Feeling overwhelmed by my lack of knowledge/experience. I was surprised at how anxious and nervous I felt - it was wonderful and difficult at the same time. And no one really warned me about it being hard!

The survey asked the open ended-ended question “Thinking back to the first 6 weeks of being a mother, what surprised you most about what motherhood was really like?” Out of the respondents, 38 percent discussed how difficult the first six weeks of being a mother was for them. Mothers described this time as “overwhelming,” “all-consuming,” “relentless,” and “like being a light bulb that was always on.” A few women were surprised that they constantly had to soothe their crying or “colicky” infants (and that they were often unsuccessful); one mentioned how “difficult it was to leave the house.” Another described surprise at “the incessant tie to another human who needed me for everything.” A full 15 percent of respondents specifically mentioned the difficulty of breastfeeding (many may have been in contact with the breastfeeding resource center due to this difficulty).

Mothers were also surprised by the level of exhaustion and sleep deprivation, specifically mentioned by 31 percent of the sample. While many probably expected to be tired, few apparently expected the level of sleep deprivation and/or exhaustion they experienced. As two woman explained, “the pure exhaustion that I felt really surprised me. I expected to be tired, but not to the level in which I was,” and “I did not realize how profound sleep deprivation could be.” Another new mother wondered “if I will ever sleep again.”

Many women also described being surprised at the rewards of motherhood and the attachment they felt for their infants. About 16 percent of women described surprise at how “amazing,” and “rewarding” motherhood was, as well as at feeling “happy,” “overjoyed with love,” and “more in love than I had ever imagined.” One woman stated, “It was a depth of love that I never knew existed…complete and unconditional in every way.” Often, new mothers felt this intensity of emotion simultaneously with their feelings of being overwhelmed: they were surprised at “how I could be so tired and so happy at the same time,” “how rewarding yet hard it is,” and “how much you can love a person you just met, even with little to no sleep.”

Another 16 percent of women mentioned surprise at either the new sense of responsibility or a change in their identity. Women were surprised at “how completely life-altering it is,” and described a “change in worldview.” As one woman explained, “[I was surprised] that there isn't a sense of normal anymore, everything is topsy-turvy. It takes 6 to 8 weeks to start to feel a sense of normal in everyday life.” Meanwhile, another said she “felt genuinely surprised about how different I felt as a mother- difficult to put into words.” For some, the transformation was transcendent, “I had become a different person, all my values and judgments were altered. I became someone new;” “[I was surprised at] the notion that I now had a completely different identity. How did my new identity as a mother mesh with my idea of myself prior to becoming a mom?”

Returning to Work

Most women in the U.S. who will eventually return to work do so within 3 months. In contrast to almost every other country, the U.S. has no federally mandated paid maternity leave. In some states, there is mandated disability leave to cover some portion of one’s pay while out on maternity leave. At the federal level, the Family and Medical Leave Act guarantees 12 weeks of unpaid leave to eligible women (must have worked 1,250 hours over the last year at an employer of 50 or more employees). However, many women struggle with the balance between work and family. They need or desire to return to work, but they also need and desire to spend quality time with their children.

In the survey of women I conducted, I asked about plans during pregnancy and what women actually did in terms of return to work. I was hoping to capture the extent to which women actually do what they plan to. Interestingly, almost half of women who, during their pregnancy, planned to stay home once the baby was born ended up returning to work (at part-time status), and 1 out of every 4 women who planned to return to work full-time ended up going back part-time instead (table 2).

Table 2. Plans to return versus actual return

Plans to return Actual return
None Part-time Full-time Total
None 52.6 47.4 0.0 100.0
Part-time 0.0 83.9 16.1 100.0
Full-time 3.8 25.3 71.0 100.0
Total 10.1 42.6 47.3 100.0


To probe the role financial obligations may play in women’s return to work, I asked the question, “which of the following reasons best explains why you returned to work, (i) I wanted to return to work for my own personal satisfaction, (ii) I had to return for financial reasons, (iii) both (i) and (ii), or (iv) some other reason.” Overall, 31 percent of the women returning to work did so for purely financial reasons, while 52 percent returned both for financial reasons and for personal satisfaction. Only 11 percent did so for personal satisfaction alone.

I also asked women about their ideal working situation. Most of these women want to work, though their ideal working situation is to work part-time for the first few years after birth (table 3). Only 10 percent of women would ideally work full-time during the first 11 months of a child’s life, increasing to 17 percent by the end of the second year, and to 29 percent by the end of the child’s fourth year. In contrast, the vast majority would ideally work part-time, either from home or from the worksite, within the first year of their child’s life. Only a minority of these mothers would work full-time in an ideal world (46.4 percent by ages 5-10 of child).

Table 3. Ideal work situation at given ages of child

Part-time?

Part-time work and flexible workplaces may indeed facilitate a more comfortable balance between work and family. While women were not asked specifically about this issue, the message came across loud and clear in general comments women were allowed to make at the end of the survey. Below are some of the comments they made.

I wish I could afford to just work a few days a week as I find it hard to "keep it all together" (home, family, friends, dinners, etc) working full time. I also miss my son terribly even though he is now 14 months old.

It was fairly easy to combine part-time work with parenting…I was and am so grateful for the flexibility of my work schedule (being able to work during naps or after bed-time).

I wish I had more flexibility with my job, would love to be able to work from home, work part-time but it just isn't an option as I am the breadwinner of our family. It makes me a little sad, though proud of my professional accomplishments overall.

I have been very lucky to have a career that allows me to choose how many hours I would like to work and when those hours take place. If I had to work more than a few mornings a week, either for financial reasons or because of a less flexible job situation, I would feel like I was missing out on being a Mom to my 2 young children.

Becoming a mother is the most important and amazing role I could ever play. I was always passionate about my work but that has completely taken a back seat and being a mother comes first. I am grateful that my company was flexible with me working part-time for the first year as well as accommodating me with a nursing/pumping room. Although I balance motherhood and a career, my son comes first.

I was very lucky in my work situation - family business, lots of family care, could bring my baby to work, everything flexible. I can't imagine having to do otherwise.

I wouldn't trade my children for anything. I wish I didn't have to work so much so I could spend more time with them. I wish I was the primary caregiver...right now my husband stays home with the kids full-time while I work full-time, plus as much overtime as I can get.

While I believe that working is important, and love what I do, I often feel guilty about not spending more time with my son. In an ideal world, I would work part-time and spend much more time with my family.

I wouldn't have changed anything, but would have preferred having been aligned with an employer that would at least entertain a flexible full-time schedule upon return from maternity leave.

Part 2: Interview Responses

After conducting the survey, I met with five women generous enough with their time to provide their perspectives in person (I was highly constrained by time for this class; ideally, I would interview many more women). Of these five women, four planned to return at full-time status following the birth of their child, and only one did so, while the other three returned at part-time status. Of these three women, two then shifted to full-time status within a month; meanwhile the one who returned at full-time status then shifted to part-time status after one month. The fifth woman planned to stay home with her child indefinitely, and eventually returned at part-time status.

Several themes regarding the roles of work and motherhood emerged here. First, becoming a mother has clearly shifted the women’s priorities, but work remains important in their lives. Second, all of these women were at transition points in their careers, unrelated to pregnancy, when they had their first child. Third, work at part-time status often evolved as an option only after the birth, rather than during the pregnancy. Finally, becoming a mother has had definite implications for their career trajectories.

1. Priorities and identity.

The women I spoke with described the role of work in their lives before the birth of their first child as both important and having consumed most of their time. For them, work was “what I did with most of my time,” “sort of my entire life,” “a big priority in my life,” and “other than my relationship with my husband, it was the biggest thing in my life.”

Following the birth of their first child, priorities shifted. Some put career-related plans on hold, but all put their children first when making decisions. As the women describe it, “the things I had been working on had to take a back seat,” and “work is on the back-burner.” One mother described the change as follows.

Yes, [I have experienced a change in identity], I’m a mother now! I guess I am the same person, have the same personality, the same values, but for everything I do now, my first concern is taking care of my son, and then, how can I make this work for him. In every decision I make, he is a major factor. [Mother of 15 month old, working full-time]

Given these changes in priorities and their new roles as mothers, these women struggled with choices regarding work and family as they transitioned into motherhood. Two women contemplated quitting their jobs (though both eventually returned to work), while another “knew I could not be separated from my child” (and did not return to work for some time). Even after decisions regarding work were made, the struggle continues:

I still struggle, though. I am jealous of my husband. On a busy morning when we are rushing around, I know he gets to leave it all behind; he can read; he can get away. Not having a break starts to get tough. [Mother with 3 children, working 8 hours per week]

It is a delicate balance between wanting to stay with [my daughter] and keeping my sanity. It is definitely a question I am struggling with... I think what it is, is that I know what to expect at work, while I am still getting to know what is expected in the work-mommy situation. I guess I’m still trying to figure it out. [Mother of 8 month old, working full-time]

While work may not be the first priority in these women’s lives, it does remain important to their identity and sense of self. These mothers feel they have invested in their careers, enjoy them, and have skills to contribute to society.

[Work] is important. It has helped remind me that I have skills other than just mothering skills. I think I had forgotten that I had these other skills, and having a job reminded of these skills, got me back to myself, reminded me who I was, that I like and crave intellectual stimulation…not that Curious George is not stimulating, but on a different level. [Mother of 2.5 year old, working 20 hours per week]

I have this career I have invested in; I have an interest in keeping it going. [Mother of 8 month old, working full-time]

I’m different because I have a cool job that I really love. I work both for money reasons and I really enjoy my job. It is very important. I am not the kind of person to sit around and do nothing, I just can’t. It would drive me crazy. [Mother of 7 month old, working full-time]

[Work] is a part of who I am, or an expression of who I am. It enables us to do things we wouldn’t be able to do otherwise, [Mother of 15 month old, working full-time]


2. Career Transitions.

All of the women interviewed were in a point of transition in their own careers when they became pregnant and had their first child. An attorney had shifted from a for-profit firm to a nonprofit organization, a music industry professional lost her job at three months pregnant, and acquired a new position two months prior to the birth, a pharmaceutical worker was looking for a way to shift into the public health arena, and a research analyst and assistant research professor had recently finished their PhDs. For highly-educated women, motherhood is often delayed until education is completed or certain career goals are met. The transition to motherhood, then, may occur at a time in the career path when these women are still establishing themselves in new positions, thus compounding the difficulty of decision-making around return to work. As one mother explained,

When I took the job, I was going into it knowing what the stakes were, what it meant if I were to walk away and how difficult it would be to get back. I knew that if I got a job before having a child, though, I would have more options than if I waited until after she was born. [Mother of 2.5 year old, working 20 hours per week]

3. Returning to work and part-time options.

Of the four women who were planning to return to work full-time, all four planned to do so in part because they did not perceive that part-time work would be an option. One said that she had secretly hoped she could go back at part-time status indefinitely, but ended up not bringing it up with her employer at all once she returned. Two women were at new jobs when they were pregnant, and explained, “I knew it was the thing to say, it [full-time return] was what the employer wanted to hear... I just said what I needed to in order to maintain the position,” and “I wanted to [return to] work full-time because it was the only option presented. I would have considered part-time if it were feasible. I didn’t even broach the subject, since I was at a new job.”

For two of the four women planning to return to work, the anticipation of return was daunting, and the actual return was difficult. One mother returned 3 days a week, and said the separation was difficult. Although she had hoped to remain at part-time status, she felt it was not possible given the workload of her employer. She found the transition back to work difficult:

When I first left, it was really hard. It lasted a couple of weeks, just feeling I was in a fog, just knowing that there were hours when I did not know what he was doing, and he didn’t know what I was doing, the fact that I had a whole life separate from him. It was really weird, like being in a dream…. The whole time [I was away], I was wondering if he was okay, was he still sleeping. I thought, ‘He’s going to wake up and not know where his parents are.’ When we picked him up, he was totally spaced out, in a swing, had a far-away look. My [family member] said, ‘don’t assign your own sadness and paranoia to him,’ but I guess I couldn’t help it. [Mother of 15 month old, working full-time]

The other mother experiencing difficulty returning to work did so at full-time status for one month, and then negotiated a change in her position to part time work. In her words,

[I felt] horrible [during my leave about returning to work]. It was just, like the logistics, how is this going to happen? Who’s going to take care of her? How am I going to pump? It was all so daunting…I think [my daughter] probably spent most of her time [at day care] in the swing, and that just wasn’t okay with me. It was not a sacrifice I felt was worth it. My job was not more important to me than all that. And, we had the luxury that I could afford to go part time. It’s tight, but doable. A lot of people don’t have that. [Mother of 2.5 year old, working 20 hours per week]

For two other women planning to return to work, the return was something they anticipated positively:

Part of me was really looking forward to it. I had been keeping up with email, and had been in the office twice…I didn’t feel like I could take on the world, but it was kind of nice to get into the office a couple of days a week, especially for the social aspect. I was not looking forward to waking up early and being stressed, so I had mixed feelings, but tending towards positive. [Mother of 8 month old, working full-time]

When I went back, it was a relief to go to work. I had huge cabin fever, I mean, I was with [my son] all the time, 24/7...However, once I was back at work, I was calling every half an hour. I was a little nervous about leaving him with [his care provider]. [Mother of 7 month old, working full-time]

The only clear difference between the women who anticipated their return positively and those who did not was the availability of close family members (grandmother or father) to care for their child upon their return to work. The two women who found separation difficult were relying on institutional day cares as their care provider. Without more observations, however, it would be difficult to determine whether this association is more than just coincidence.

For women who returned at part-time status upon return, the option came up only after the birth. For one women, this change was the only way she felt she could continue working:

I was working in 50 locations around the city, driving around, talking to [people], so I had to go out into the car to pump. It was just miserable. In order to keep up with the milk she needed, I had to pump and pump and pump. I was in the car all day long, not to mention there was little privacy. Sitting there pumping in the car I thought, I didn’t work this hard to sit here and pump in my car. I thought about quitting flat out, but knew I still had a lot to offer, but just needed some flexibility. I don’t think it ever occurred to me to even consider going back part-time. It only occurred to me after the fact, when I thought, ‘well, full-time doesn’t work, no time doesn’t work, what could work?’ [Mother of 2.5 year old, working 20 hours per week]

For another mother, return at part-time status was never discussed but simply happened:

It was kindof unspoken when I went back at part-time status. My husband is a big believer in “ask for forgiveness, not for permission.” I also felt like I was in a position through showing I was committed to coming back, responding to emails, etc., that I had earned credit for. I didn’t announce it. I would just leave early, or not go in on Friday. No one ever said anything and they didn’t fire me. It was slightly under the radar. Going back part-time is less traumatic than going back one day and having your boss say, here is the pile of work for the last three months. During the early years, I like the idea of part time. If my job had to be full-time, this job is good because it has good flexibility. [Mother of 8 month old, working full-time]

Therefore, the women who planned to return to work were mixed in their feelings about the return, with those having close family to rely upon for providing care to their children feeling more positive. In most cases where women returned to work at part-time status, the option only became a possibility for them after they had transitioned to motherhood, perhaps because they did not have the leverage with which to negotiate such a return at the time they were negotiating their leave.

Only one woman I spoke with had planned to stay home indefinitely. However, she eventually returned to work when her first child was 3.5 years old. She returned to work only because it was a unique opportunity for her to get a foot in the door in a new career, and felt it was an offer she could not refuse:

I started working one day per month when my first child was 3.5 (and my son was 8 weeks old). I took this job because it was an opportunity I could not refuse. I wanted to change careers, and this job would let me work in [in the new field] and get started in [this career]. It was too good to pass up. [Mother of 3 children working 8 hours per week]

Part-time status was the work arrangement preferred by all but one of the respondents for the first four years of their children’s lives. Even the mother who planned to stay home with her child said she would have returned to work at part-time status after a year or even sooner if she had had a job she were passionate about at the time. The reasons that those who would have preferred part-time work were working full-time varied, and were not merely financial. For example, one woman felt the workload was too high for the organization to work part time, and wanted to help her boss. Furthermore, she was not sure if she could find a part-time position elsewhere that would pay enough to make it worth her time. While these professional women may prefer part-time status, the reality is that part-time jobs for professionals are not easy to find, and supervisors may be reluctant to agree to them, even for existing employees.

4. Career Trajectories.

Several women felt that their career trajectory had been different because they had become mothers. Specifically, they mentioned not being able to work the extra hours necessary to excel, do the travel required to obtain a higher position, and not wanting to take on new responsibilities. However, all of them were comfortable with where they were in their careers, and were happy to not pursue such goals in order to spend more time with their children. Despite being an extremely highly educated group, almost all of the women recoiled when I asked whether they considered themselves “career-oriented” women. Several specifically mentioned they were not particularly ambitious, or talked about decisions they had made previously in their career that implied a more low-key lifestyle, rather than taking a high-powered career route.

The women I interviewed had all invested heavily in their careers and are in highly remunerated professional positions. While having had children may have impacted their career trajectory, they are still able to contribute to their fields while making time available to be with their children.

Discussion

The survey findings signal that becoming a mother can be a challenge at first, but is highly rewarding. The themes resulting from the interviews suggest that motherhood may alter women’s career paths for more than one reason – first, they may already be at a transition point in their career to begin with, rather than highly attached to the labor force, second, motherhood changes one’s priorities, and third, new mothers may make decisions to facilitate the work-family balance (such as work fewer hours or take on less additional work/responsibility in order to have more time to spend with their children). Decisions to make work more compatible with motherhood (taking on fewer hours, less travel, and/or less responsibility) may imply lower earnings and/or less ladder-climbing, which may help explain differences in earnings between mothers and non-mothers. However, it is important to recognize that these choices appear to be made consciously and gladly by mothers.

Funny stories

The other day, a friend of mine asked for a funny Noah story to help her get through the work day, and all I could think of were cute stories...I guess most of them are pretty cute, but maybe a few are funny as well.

One recent laugh comes from our experience learning about staying out of the street. Every time Noah touches a foot on the asphalt, I say to him, "no, street, no," remove him and place him on the sidewalk. He was sure to test me several times on several occasions, to see whether I really meant it. On the third time, I would remove him all the way to the porch and say we had to play on the porch instead because he kept going into the street. He still tests me from time to time, but now when he runs down the driveway, I'm about 85 percent sure he won't run into the street (because of the 15 percent, I have to run after him anyway!).

Needless to say, Noah's favorite playmate is Monty. Whenever we go outside, Monty comes with us, follows us around, and does his cat things from time to time. The other day, we were all outside together, and Monty walked into the street. Noah began screaming at him, "Daaah daaai (various baby gibberish in a screeching voice lasting at least a full minute)." I caught on quickly that Noah was teaching Monty not to go into the street, and called out, "Monty, out of the street!!" while chuckling to myself. Luckily, Monty obeyed!

Spring break in Cancun

Here are some scenes from Cancun. They include some of Noah's favorite activities: walking in the ocean, dancing on the tables, watching the birds eat my chips, walking across the sand, climbing up and down the stairs (a favorite regardless of location), knocking over sand-castle walls, dropping sand in the water, and running from the beach to the water.

Obama 2009-2012!

On January 19, 2009, we set out for Washington DC to see the inauguration in person. We took Amtrak from 30th Street Station in Philly (did anyone see us on the local news? I think they were filming Noah). The train was jam-packed with excited passengers. People were talking about what time they should leave in the morning to get to the National Mall, and the answer was apparently 4-5 am.


On Tuesday morning, I got up with Noah at 6:30 am. We were staying with some friends who live near Eastern Market. By 7:30, there was a parade of people passing by the window, on their way to the inauguration. We had breakfast andstarted walking around 9:15 . The excitement in the air was palpable! People were everywhere, all over the streets.

Since some of the roads were closed to pedestrians, the walk was not easy. At one point, we had to squeeze through a very narrow space through bushes and brambles where the equivalent of 25 lanes of traffic were reduced to 3 -- it was tough! The walk was also confusing -- there was no clear information about street closures or the best ways to get through. Lines for people with tickets got confused with lines to get through small spaces. We soon had a view of the Capitol!



We got to the first entrance, at 7th and Independence, and they were not letting people in. They said to continue to 14th street, which is about as far as the Washington Monument. However, along with a few apparently savvy people, we made a byline through a museum entrance at around 10th St, and went into the Sackler Gallery. We had been told the museums would be open to help people keep warm, and figured there must be a way to get through to the Mall.

We walked down 3 flights of stairs, and passed scores of people lining the walls of the hallways, sitting down, or laying down, resting and keeping warm. It was around 11:00 by this point, and yet these people were not on the Mall waiting for inauguration. They must have burned out, and just wanted the warmth. I finally asked one group what time they had arrived, and they said they had gotten to the Mall at 5:00 am! Here's one guy sacked out:


After crossing the museum and fighting our way back up 3 flights of stairs that were lined with people just trying to keep warm (just the last flight of stairs must have taken us 15 minutes!), we finally made it to the Mall! We were jumping with excitement!






The crowd at the mall was fabulous! It was diverse, and I even saw one other infant (most other kids around were at least 5 or so). They booed at Bush; they cheered fanatically when Obama appeared and when he took the oath of office. It was cold -- probably about 26 when the ceremony started, but with all the people around it didn't feel quite as brutal as you might expect. Some people looked well-prepared, others looked cold, and still others had clearly felt compelled to retreat to the museums for warmth. Comforters doubled as coats and Obama ski hats abounded.

We left before Obama's speech was over to beat the crowd on it's way out, since Noah had reached his maximum patience and comfort levels. We made it home by about 1:15 pm. We spent a total 4 hours out in the cold, but had stopped at two buildings on the way there for warmth. When we got back to the house, we were exhausted, but happy! All in all, it was so worth it!



It turns out we were extremely lucky. There were tons of people stranded on the metro, stuck in lines (even ticket-holders), or just could not get there, so ended up missing it, or watching it on TV. Every restaurant we passed on the way (McDonald's, a Mexican restaurant) was packed with people watching it on TV. I heard one person say she watched it at the CVS. One group we met had left at 7 am, and kept going to 14th street, and didn't get back for 8.5 hours.

Noah sleeping on the train back:


Here is a video memory of it all:

Dancing Boy

Noah is really communicating with us these days, though it mostly consists of pointing and grunting/screaming. He is really close to saying "palta," which is avocado in Chilean Spanish (he loves it).

The other day I introduced him to swing music, and he loved it! When Nano got home, the two of them were in the living room together while I was in the kitchen. Noah came walking over to me with the remote control to the stereo -- apparently, he wanted to show dad his dance moves! I followed him to the living room with the remote and turned on the music, and he danced for us. Nano said he had been pointing at the speaker, but he didn't know what Noah wanted until he walked over to me. Here he is, in his dancing splendor!

First birthday, Christmas, New Year's, oh my!

So much has happened since our last postings! First, school picked up the pace, and time was short with final exams, papers etc. In the midst of it all, Noah turned one!! I can't believe it has been a over a year since Noah came into our lives. Our lives have been totally transformed, turned inside out, and we love it. Just one little smile from this little guy makes us melt in a split second. He is busy trying to climb stairs and confront obstacles. He protests loudly if he doesn't get something he wants (no, I really want to walk through the leaf pile, I really want to drink your soda, I really want to carry around your phone and then drop it in the toilet). He still doesn't say any real words, but he is trying really hard -- lots of babbling and bababa's, lots of shrieking. He came close to "airplane" with "ahbah" (he was repeating after me), and he got "Tata" (grandpa) down when we were in Chile, since it was one of his favorite sounds, but doesn't say it much anymore since his Tata isn't in Philadelphia. He can now stand up from sitting down with no help, and loves steps.

We celebrated his first year birthday with a few friends and a huge cake. He had a good time, after warming up to it. He didn't care much for the birthday hat, to say the least, but he enjoyed the music and being on daddy's shoulders.



On December 20, we headed to Chile! The flight was packed, long, and well, uncomfortable. He slept in my arms, but kept waking because he wanted to stretch out and turn over, and then arched his back and cried when he realized he couldn't. On the way back, we had a little more space (one extra seat), but it wasn't too much better.

Noah loved meeting his cousins in Chile, and thrived in the bustling environment of a big family. Catalina and Josefina (9 and 7) made faces and sung to him while he ate and Magdalena (almost 3) played on the baby slide with him. Julian (4) was so excited to show him something, he took him by the hand, "Noah, ven!" and when Noah couldn't keep up and fell, dragged him across the floor. (I did not witness this, but apparently it provoked only laughter from Noah's dad, while Noah's uncle came to the rescue.) Visiting some friends, he figured out from Sebastian Martin (4 and 2) how fun it is to run across the room onto the patio, so he spent a good deal of time practicing that feat. We took him to the beach in Vinia del Mar. At first, he didn't want to step on the sand, but he was soon filtering it through his fingers. On his last beach day, he delighted in running out to meet the incoming surf (with our help, of course!). He loved the water! We had a wonderful time.

Here he is in the sand:


With his cousins:

And here is some cute babbling...