Our lives are so full of joy. I say this and an image of Noah crying and whining comes to my mind, the way he greeted me yesterday unhappily saying he did not like me. The honest truth is that it is really hard to parent that little boy. He is often on the verge of a tantrum, especially as he continues to adjust to life without naps. But, he is sweet, and sensitive, and caring, and loving. Yesterday and this morning, he and his dad built the Ikea desk that I am currently writing on, He was so diligent in offering the tools, screws, and other parts to his dad. Before he falls asleep, his last words are often "I love mama," accompanied by a hug. He tries really hard to do what we expect of him, for the most part, unless he is tired or hungry (both of which are quite common by about 4 pm). So, that is what life with a 4 year old is about -- constant battles of will, exertion of independence, testing of consequences, occasional but enormous tantrums, all accompanied by expansive excitement about new or favorite things (trains, cars, etc.), immense joy in learning, an earnestness in confronting the world and new things, and buckets of sweetness. Our lives are indeed full of joy.
Simon, at age 21 months, is now mostly potty trained (at least at home), knows colors, letters and numbers, counts to 20 (though between 13 and 17 it is all mostly confused), and is running (often away from us, unfortunately). He has a coy smile, and will repeat whatever word it is he is trying to learn until you say it back to him. When he really wants our attention, he walks over to us (especially to Noah), leans forward, and looks up into our faces, and says, "Woah?" (or "mama" or "papa") earnestly, until we answer him.
We recently took a trip to see the "real" Thomas train (the Strasburg railroad brings in a Thomas engine). Both of the boys were fascinated. Simon didn't stop excitedly saying, "Thomas!!" every time he saw a Thomas engine on a shirt, or balloon, or on the actual train, until we left. Noah's favorite part, he said, was sitting on the train itself. Their joy at this visit was so worth it! Afterwards, we tried to get a quick picture at the front of the train. Not surprisingly, the whole thing is cordoned off, and you are forced to sit on a bench in front of a photographer who will snap a picture. I waited in line, put the two little guys on the bench, and stepped back to snap a shot myself. Suddenly, my children were accosted! The man in the orange vest whose job it was to make the kids sit together or smile or something was right next to them, barking at them to sit closer together, to smile, etc. They both started crying. The only picture I got was of a man in an orange vest in front of half of Thomas. I tried sitting with them to calm them down for a formal picture, but that didn't work either. Note to self: make sure Nano gets in the line with us next time!!!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
What they are up to
Simon and Noah are an amazing joy and overflow my heart with love. Simon is now 20 months. At our last doctor's appointment, he was about 20 percentile for height for age (though the appointment was a bit late). The doctor was quite amazed as she listened to him count from 1 to 7 as she waded through newly introduced electronic medical records. Her comment was, "wow, he knows them, even if he can't even pronounce them very well yet" I'm sure she would have been even more impressed had she seen him in the tubby any night of the week counting to 12! His interest and amazement with letters and numbers is something that is truly mindboggling -- I mean, I don't have a lot of experience raising small children, but his tendency to point out letters and numbers, and state what they are (or their sounds) is something I didn't even know was possible. It is true, his pronunciation is still developing. For example, balloon sounds more like, "munuh," Noah is "Wowah," and sometimes he insistently says something I can't understand, but he is so amazingly talkative and not at all shy with words or sounds. When we go over a bump in the car, he says, "woah!" When we listen to music in the car, he sings along. Sometimes, Noah is an even better translator than I am. The other day, I gave Simon a car, and he said, "mah cah." I didn't quite get it until Noah said, "Simon wants more cars."
Simon is also a sweetie. He loves his blankie, and loves to cuddle. He is having a hard time with separation these days. If I so much as leave the room for more than a minute, he calls out, "mama?" and comes to find me if he can. It pains my heart to leave him in the mornings, not because he is crying (most of the time he is not) but because I will miss spending the next 6 hours with him and all of his cuteness.
Noah, meanwhile, has an astounding sense of his self, his (high) capabilities, and moral fortitude. He has been complaining that at school, Ruby and Grace do not help clean up, and then they get to sit next to the teacher. He doesn't think that is fair. He was so upset about it that he did not want to go to school yesterday. We talked him about what we could do, like maybe we could talk to the teacher about it, or maybe he could tell them himself. Then, he said, "I know, I can tell them that if they do not clean up, they can't sit next to Mrs. Griffen!" We told him that sounded like a great idea. I accompanied him to talk to the teacher about this, and told her his idea (as he asked me to). She explained that he always wants to follow the rules, and gets very upset when other children do not do so.
A couple of weeks ago, I noticed how Simon liked to pull objects, and mentioned we should get a large dinosaur that was in the garage at the top of the ladder so he could play with it. That morning, I went to take a shower while Nano watched the kids, and as I was finishing up, I heard Noah climbing up the stairs. He said to me,
"we should go to the garage to get the dinosaur. Because it's really high up there."
I said, "yes, we can do that when I get home later."
He said, "Yes, because I can't reach it."
"That's right," I said, "you need an adult to help you."
"Yes," he said, because I couldn't get it down, it's right at the edge."
At that moment, I realized he had apparently just gone outside to the garage, undetected, by himself, climbed the ladder, by himself, and attempted to lift the heavy wooden dinosaur and carry it down the ladder, by himself. This is not a friendly ladder we're talking about, it's one with very small steps, and goes up high to the top of the garage, where we have a little loft storage spot. I was a bit mortified.
"Noah, you can't go up there by yourself because it is dangerous. You could fall. Why didn't you ask Papa?"
"Well, Papa won't let me go on the ladder."
"Yes, because it is very dangerous. But if you really need to do something, you need an adult to help you."
I restrained myself against scolding him; I think he must have learned part of that lesson by actually trying. I also think I have to accept that he is indeed an independent creature, and I can only do my best to teach him what is okay and what is not, but ultimately he will make his own judgements when I am not around.
Noah's play has been evolving substantially. He is now able to spend large blocks of time entertaining himself by building things with legos and his train set. He has elaborate train configurations all over the floor, and uses large towers of legos to build supports for bridges, etc. It is really fascinating to see all the creativity and ingenuity developing already.
Simon is also a sweetie. He loves his blankie, and loves to cuddle. He is having a hard time with separation these days. If I so much as leave the room for more than a minute, he calls out, "mama?" and comes to find me if he can. It pains my heart to leave him in the mornings, not because he is crying (most of the time he is not) but because I will miss spending the next 6 hours with him and all of his cuteness.
Noah, meanwhile, has an astounding sense of his self, his (high) capabilities, and moral fortitude. He has been complaining that at school, Ruby and Grace do not help clean up, and then they get to sit next to the teacher. He doesn't think that is fair. He was so upset about it that he did not want to go to school yesterday. We talked him about what we could do, like maybe we could talk to the teacher about it, or maybe he could tell them himself. Then, he said, "I know, I can tell them that if they do not clean up, they can't sit next to Mrs. Griffen!" We told him that sounded like a great idea. I accompanied him to talk to the teacher about this, and told her his idea (as he asked me to). She explained that he always wants to follow the rules, and gets very upset when other children do not do so.
A couple of weeks ago, I noticed how Simon liked to pull objects, and mentioned we should get a large dinosaur that was in the garage at the top of the ladder so he could play with it. That morning, I went to take a shower while Nano watched the kids, and as I was finishing up, I heard Noah climbing up the stairs. He said to me,
"we should go to the garage to get the dinosaur. Because it's really high up there."
I said, "yes, we can do that when I get home later."
He said, "Yes, because I can't reach it."
"That's right," I said, "you need an adult to help you."
"Yes," he said, because I couldn't get it down, it's right at the edge."
At that moment, I realized he had apparently just gone outside to the garage, undetected, by himself, climbed the ladder, by himself, and attempted to lift the heavy wooden dinosaur and carry it down the ladder, by himself. This is not a friendly ladder we're talking about, it's one with very small steps, and goes up high to the top of the garage, where we have a little loft storage spot. I was a bit mortified.
"Noah, you can't go up there by yourself because it is dangerous. You could fall. Why didn't you ask Papa?"
"Well, Papa won't let me go on the ladder."
"Yes, because it is very dangerous. But if you really need to do something, you need an adult to help you."
I restrained myself against scolding him; I think he must have learned part of that lesson by actually trying. I also think I have to accept that he is indeed an independent creature, and I can only do my best to teach him what is okay and what is not, but ultimately he will make his own judgements when I am not around.
Noah's play has been evolving substantially. He is now able to spend large blocks of time entertaining himself by building things with legos and his train set. He has elaborate train configurations all over the floor, and uses large towers of legos to build supports for bridges, etc. It is really fascinating to see all the creativity and ingenuity developing already.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Sentences, haircut, kitties
Well, the day finally came where I got tired of trying to train Simon's hair to go to the side instead of into his eyes and I chopped off the first precious locks of that fine baby hair! His new look is quite different! Still adorable of course, but with bangs. We have been struggling with sleep issues (again?) lately, and for a while he was awake for 2-3 hours over night for several nights. On one of these occasions I think it was that he made the sentence, "open the door?" His first sentence came in Cancun a few weeks ago, where he said, "open water" when he wanted me to open the sippy cup straw so he could drink. The words are coming lightening fast -- now he repeats almost everything. Two new words from yesterday were bus and white. I have moved from the simple naming of objects in his books to using the colors, or verbs, etc. He is catching on fast! Of course, most listeners can not distinguish his word "car" from "star," but some of the words are crystal clear, like "eight," for example. He can name almost all of the numbers (exceptions are seven and sometimes six, one sounds like a nasal "uh", three sounds like "tea", but two, four, five, nine and ten sound clear), and is fascinated by them. He spent a long time in Cancun just looking at the numbers above the doors and having me name them. He is equally fascinated by letters and their sounds, and he knows the sounds of A, B, D, F, H, M, O, P, S, T, and Y -- he will make the sounds whenever he sees them, whether on a sign at a store, on my shirt, or when he's playing with the magnet letters.
He also knows what he wants more than ever! One of his latest obsessions is the screen -- computer or iPhone, he wants to see videos. He points at my phone and says, "again?" (uh-den), or at the computer screen with, "nuh, nuh, nuh?" which is short for railroad crossing (after all, that's what it sounds like). Sometimes when he doesn't get it, he gets very, very upset!
The switch from two to one nap has been very slow going and painful! His awake time is only about 3 hours in the morning, but between his last nap and falling asleep, he needs closer to 4.5 or more before he'll settle. I will be very happy when we are over this hump!
Noah is also transitioning slowly from one to no naps. He is napping about 3 times a week, and we are trying to get it down to 2. When we went cold turkey from 3 to 0, we had some evenings with a ferocious bear, so we are trying to go more gradually this time, hoping that age is on our side!
The other day we stopped at a pet shop and there were baby kittens there! When I asked him which one was his favorite, he said the baby kittens and their mommy. He wanted to take all of them home, and their mommy, because if we just took one, "they would miss their mommy." So true!
Noah is also starting to enjoy writing a bit more, though it is still not his favorite. He is learning to tell the time on the clock, and is getting more and more control over his fine motor skills. Today he told me that he had had a dream about his cousin Cata, but he didn't want to tell me the best part. I asked him what it was, and told him I wouldn't get mad (apparently what he was fearing!). He said she was jumping off of the stones and he was laughing. Sounds adorably sweet!
He also knows what he wants more than ever! One of his latest obsessions is the screen -- computer or iPhone, he wants to see videos. He points at my phone and says, "again?" (uh-den), or at the computer screen with, "nuh, nuh, nuh?" which is short for railroad crossing (after all, that's what it sounds like). Sometimes when he doesn't get it, he gets very, very upset!
The switch from two to one nap has been very slow going and painful! His awake time is only about 3 hours in the morning, but between his last nap and falling asleep, he needs closer to 4.5 or more before he'll settle. I will be very happy when we are over this hump!
Noah is also transitioning slowly from one to no naps. He is napping about 3 times a week, and we are trying to get it down to 2. When we went cold turkey from 3 to 0, we had some evenings with a ferocious bear, so we are trying to go more gradually this time, hoping that age is on our side!
The other day we stopped at a pet shop and there were baby kittens there! When I asked him which one was his favorite, he said the baby kittens and their mommy. He wanted to take all of them home, and their mommy, because if we just took one, "they would miss their mommy." So true!
Noah is also starting to enjoy writing a bit more, though it is still not his favorite. He is learning to tell the time on the clock, and is getting more and more control over his fine motor skills. Today he told me that he had had a dream about his cousin Cata, but he didn't want to tell me the best part. I asked him what it was, and told him I wouldn't get mad (apparently what he was fearing!). He said she was jumping off of the stones and he was laughing. Sounds adorably sweet!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Another sleep-talker and it's finally getting through
So, my last post mentioned a lot of the words Simon is saying frequently. By far, the word that comes out of his mouth most is, "Tah!" (car). He stands on the bed to look for "tah, tah!," he peers out of the window on the stairs to find a "tah!" and he loves to walk outside and look at the "tah, tah!" Well, night before last, I settled next to Simon at his 11 pm wake-up, and just after he fell into a slumber, he adjusted himself, and suddenly shouted out, "tah! tah!" Then, kept right on sleeping peacefully.
Last weekend weekend we had some friends who have a 4 year old and a baby over for dinner, and the kids were playing with Simon. Noah turned to Lily and said very emphatically and in his teaching voice, "Lily, you have to look at his face. If he makes a bad face, that means you have to stop." That says everything I've been trying to get him to understand in a nutshell!
Simon and Noah are having great fun playing together in the evenings. They have a bath together, and the last couple of nights have invented a game where Simon throws his hands down, telling Noah (standing up) to suddenly drop down. Noah does it, making a big splash, to Simon's delight. They of course have to do this repeatedly. Then, they move to our bed, where I try to get pajamas on the two of them, while they jump, laugh, and play. It is really delightful to hear that chorus of laughter!
Last weekend weekend we had some friends who have a 4 year old and a baby over for dinner, and the kids were playing with Simon. Noah turned to Lily and said very emphatically and in his teaching voice, "Lily, you have to look at his face. If he makes a bad face, that means you have to stop." That says everything I've been trying to get him to understand in a nutshell!
Simon and Noah are having great fun playing together in the evenings. They have a bath together, and the last couple of nights have invented a game where Simon throws his hands down, telling Noah (standing up) to suddenly drop down. Noah does it, making a big splash, to Simon's delight. They of course have to do this repeatedly. Then, they move to our bed, where I try to get pajamas on the two of them, while they jump, laugh, and play. It is really delightful to hear that chorus of laughter!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
First Valentine's party
Well, honestly, I don't actually know what transpired. However, today was Noah's first real Valentine's party! We spent the last week or so working on the 13 Valentines, one for each of the children in his class (he did not want to make one for the teachers, because he "does not love them"). Noah cut out all of the hearts by himself, and wrote on several of them. Sometimes, the names turned out looking like this "JCAK" (Jack, written in the correct order, but somehow the C ended up in an unusual place), and other times, they came out perfectly "CHLOE." Other times, the names were too hard and I wrote them myself. We used a paint stamp for some, markers on some, and stickers on most of them. It was a lot of work, I mean, fun.
So, today Noah came home with a bag full of Valentines. Some were homemade, others were store-bought. A couple had scribbles on them, making me very proud of Noah's letters, and others were just adult-written (to be honest, a few of Noah's Valentines turned out that way as well -- 13 is a lot!). A couple had stickers included, and a couple had temporary tatoos (kids this age LOVE tatoos!!). I was pleased that there was limited candy involved, but about 4 parents did resort to candy. And boy, did Noah know which ones had candy. "Where is the one with the lollipop?" he asked. I had sneakily taken it out and placed it on the sideboard for later. But, he is too smart for that! "Where is the one with a number 13 on the package?" I don't know, but I suspect that is one box that "accidentally" stayed in the car when we walked into the house.
Now, it's not that candy is a bad thing, but actually there is a simple equation explaining what happens when Noah gets candy. It goes something like this: Noah + candy = Terminator. He gets very insistent on wanting to eat the candy. He really, really wants it. He is on the verge of a tantrum about having it. He is on the verge of a tantrum about having more. He. Loves. Candy. Read, "I WANT IT NOW!!"
Okay, well, I have to be fair. He actually did quite a good job today. He had one small sweet-tart type candy in the car when I picked him up, and then ate his yogurt that I bring in the car as a snack. He didn't request more after the yogurt went down. Then, once home, he had one small package of Nerds candy, and I told him the rest would be for later. I also bought a (quite large) cookie for him as my present for Valentine's day (at least that way, the carbs off-set a little bit some of the sugar), and told him he could have it after dinner. I never saw him eat dinner so happily! He actually asked for seconds (spaghetti with meat sauce) and ate an entire green bean.
After dinner, he had his (quite large) cookie. I gave him half and told him to save the rest for later. He ate it very happily. Then, he wanted the other half. I told him to wait for 10 minutes first. He obliged. Then, he said, he still wanted it. So, I gave the rest to him. I think this may have been a very happy day for him! Candy and cookies, all in the same day!
Oh, the sugar. We have years of holidays of sugar ahead. Halloween, Valentine's day, Christmas, and every other holiday where it all boils down to sugar. I can't tell you how many meltdowns we have had over sugar. I even captured one of them on video, lest people not understand how it it can affect him (this one is entitled, "I want a cupcake" and that is what the tantrum is about, in its entirety; I only captured a few of the 30 minutes the actual tantrum lasted).
Tonight, as I was putting him to sleep (Nano was out for a candidate interview), I looked at his adorable, sweet face, and saw the cutest, sweetest thing I had ever seen. This little guy is adorable. I told him I loved him. He said, "I love you too, mama." This was followed by him squishing me saying, "I love mama!!" What a sweetheart.
Oh, and Simon's language explosion continues. Today, I was taking off his shoes and socks as I do customarily when we get home (I read somewhere that when they are learning to walk, it should be shoeless), I took off his shoes, one at a time, and then his socks, one at a time, saying, "one...and..." and just as I was about to say two, Simon said, "two," knowingly. He is amazing! And, just to top of the cuteness, he has been humming to me, Nano, and the babysitter all day the "Are you sleeping" song. As soon as I got home, he saw me, then headed straight to the playroom to "sing."
And, by the way, you need to know that Simon. Loves. Cars. I got rid of a ton of the cars we had accumulated from consignment sales. Now, the few that we do have are constantly dumped out of their basket, slid down the ramp, pushed across the floor, carried around the house, and lined up on the table. It is really amazing how much he loves those cars! Outside, when one goes by, he says, "tah." I'd say Simon's favorite things are cars, stickers, and walking at the moment. Noah's three are friends, playing pretend, and the Thomas trains.
So, today Noah came home with a bag full of Valentines. Some were homemade, others were store-bought. A couple had scribbles on them, making me very proud of Noah's letters, and others were just adult-written (to be honest, a few of Noah's Valentines turned out that way as well -- 13 is a lot!). A couple had stickers included, and a couple had temporary tatoos (kids this age LOVE tatoos!!). I was pleased that there was limited candy involved, but about 4 parents did resort to candy. And boy, did Noah know which ones had candy. "Where is the one with the lollipop?" he asked. I had sneakily taken it out and placed it on the sideboard for later. But, he is too smart for that! "Where is the one with a number 13 on the package?" I don't know, but I suspect that is one box that "accidentally" stayed in the car when we walked into the house.
Now, it's not that candy is a bad thing, but actually there is a simple equation explaining what happens when Noah gets candy. It goes something like this: Noah + candy = Terminator. He gets very insistent on wanting to eat the candy. He really, really wants it. He is on the verge of a tantrum about having it. He is on the verge of a tantrum about having more. He. Loves. Candy. Read, "I WANT IT NOW!!"
Okay, well, I have to be fair. He actually did quite a good job today. He had one small sweet-tart type candy in the car when I picked him up, and then ate his yogurt that I bring in the car as a snack. He didn't request more after the yogurt went down. Then, once home, he had one small package of Nerds candy, and I told him the rest would be for later. I also bought a (quite large) cookie for him as my present for Valentine's day (at least that way, the carbs off-set a little bit some of the sugar), and told him he could have it after dinner. I never saw him eat dinner so happily! He actually asked for seconds (spaghetti with meat sauce) and ate an entire green bean.
After dinner, he had his (quite large) cookie. I gave him half and told him to save the rest for later. He ate it very happily. Then, he wanted the other half. I told him to wait for 10 minutes first. He obliged. Then, he said, he still wanted it. So, I gave the rest to him. I think this may have been a very happy day for him! Candy and cookies, all in the same day!
Oh, the sugar. We have years of holidays of sugar ahead. Halloween, Valentine's day, Christmas, and every other holiday where it all boils down to sugar. I can't tell you how many meltdowns we have had over sugar. I even captured one of them on video, lest people not understand how it it can affect him (this one is entitled, "I want a cupcake" and that is what the tantrum is about, in its entirety; I only captured a few of the 30 minutes the actual tantrum lasted).
Tonight, as I was putting him to sleep (Nano was out for a candidate interview), I looked at his adorable, sweet face, and saw the cutest, sweetest thing I had ever seen. This little guy is adorable. I told him I loved him. He said, "I love you too, mama." This was followed by him squishing me saying, "I love mama!!" What a sweetheart.
Oh, and Simon's language explosion continues. Today, I was taking off his shoes and socks as I do customarily when we get home (I read somewhere that when they are learning to walk, it should be shoeless), I took off his shoes, one at a time, and then his socks, one at a time, saying, "one...and..." and just as I was about to say two, Simon said, "two," knowingly. He is amazing! And, just to top of the cuteness, he has been humming to me, Nano, and the babysitter all day the "Are you sleeping" song. As soon as I got home, he saw me, then headed straight to the playroom to "sing."
And, by the way, you need to know that Simon. Loves. Cars. I got rid of a ton of the cars we had accumulated from consignment sales. Now, the few that we do have are constantly dumped out of their basket, slid down the ramp, pushed across the floor, carried around the house, and lined up on the table. It is really amazing how much he loves those cars! Outside, when one goes by, he says, "tah." I'd say Simon's favorite things are cars, stickers, and walking at the moment. Noah's three are friends, playing pretend, and the Thomas trains.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
The boys
There is a lot of cuteness at our house these days! Simon started walking at 15 months. After several mini steps here and there, he finally started to walk on January 7th. Now, he toddles around the house with one foot facing slightly outward, mirroring ever so slightly the cute crabwalk he used to do. He often walks to the basket where we keep shoes, picks out his shoe, and says "shoe" (suuw), and then carries it over to the door and says, "outside" (ow-sigh). If we don't comply, he usually starts to cry unless we are successful at distraction. Once ow-sigh, he just walks, and walks, and walks, down the driveway, to the right, and down to the neighbors' house where they have some huge lights lining the walk leftover from Christmas. He points at them and says, "off!!" very emphatically! He then tries turning the little ones on and off by twisting them into their sockets.
Simon's language has taken off. While Noah was in Chile, Simon picked up a lot of words from the books we read. In the end, we had a good time, bonded a lot, and Noah bonded a lot with his dad. He actually had a fabulous time with his cousins, and came back more mature. After he got back, Simon he was a bit more quiet for a short bit, and then suddenly the language started to come like a landslide. Now, he says, "ball" (bah), "doll" (dah), "car" (tah), "star" (taw), "dog" (doh), "cat" (ta, with a in apple), "hat" (ha, with a in apple), "hot" (hot, while shaking his hand), "blankie" (bahbee), "tete" (tete, means binky) "baby" (baybay) "strawberry" (awbebee), "palta" (pawta), "agua" (agua) "hot dog" (ha-doh), and "apple" (appah), to name a few that come to mind. He tries to say Monty, which sounds something like "Tahtee." He also repeats things a lot, and his dad has taught him, "yes, sir!" (yeisah). He also sings, "ee ii ee ii uuu" from Old MacDonald, and if you sing, "Are you sleeping, are you sleeping," he will hum the next verse for Brother John. And, he loves to eat broccoli! He loves to color, to stick stickers on paper, and try to do whatever Noah does. He likes for things to be in their place. If there is a pacifier on the floor, he will hand it to me and motion for me to put it away. If his blankie (the one that is not the preferred one) is out of the crib, he will motion for us to put it back in. Nano has a song he sings to Simon, and whenever he says, "boom," Simon drops onto his bottom. This is one of his tricks, too -- if you are laying on the bed, he will come and plop on top of you, thinking it is hilarious!
Noah is finally over (for now?) his aggressive behavior towards Simon, which is a huge relief! We don't have to be watching over them like hawks, and there is no intentional hurting. Of course, Simon still tries to get what Noah has, or knock things over, which is a challenge to Noah, but he is dealing with it much better! Sometimes, he looks like a defensive lineback, but at least there is no pushing for the most part!
The other day, I went to take a shower, which is a hard moment for Simon because he has to separate from me. He started to cry, and Noah went over to him saying, "Monkey, monkey, monkey," in a singsong way, the way I would say it when we read a certain story, until Simon stopped crying and started smiling. Very sweet!
Simon's language has taken off. While Noah was in Chile, Simon picked up a lot of words from the books we read. In the end, we had a good time, bonded a lot, and Noah bonded a lot with his dad. He actually had a fabulous time with his cousins, and came back more mature. After he got back, Simon he was a bit more quiet for a short bit, and then suddenly the language started to come like a landslide. Now, he says, "ball" (bah), "doll" (dah), "car" (tah), "star" (taw), "dog" (doh), "cat" (ta, with a in apple), "hat" (ha, with a in apple), "hot" (hot, while shaking his hand), "blankie" (bahbee), "tete" (tete, means binky) "baby" (baybay) "strawberry" (awbebee), "palta" (pawta), "agua" (agua) "hot dog" (ha-doh), and "apple" (appah), to name a few that come to mind. He tries to say Monty, which sounds something like "Tahtee." He also repeats things a lot, and his dad has taught him, "yes, sir!" (yeisah). He also sings, "ee ii ee ii uuu" from Old MacDonald, and if you sing, "Are you sleeping, are you sleeping," he will hum the next verse for Brother John. And, he loves to eat broccoli! He loves to color, to stick stickers on paper, and try to do whatever Noah does. He likes for things to be in their place. If there is a pacifier on the floor, he will hand it to me and motion for me to put it away. If his blankie (the one that is not the preferred one) is out of the crib, he will motion for us to put it back in. Nano has a song he sings to Simon, and whenever he says, "boom," Simon drops onto his bottom. This is one of his tricks, too -- if you are laying on the bed, he will come and plop on top of you, thinking it is hilarious!
Noah is finally over (for now?) his aggressive behavior towards Simon, which is a huge relief! We don't have to be watching over them like hawks, and there is no intentional hurting. Of course, Simon still tries to get what Noah has, or knock things over, which is a challenge to Noah, but he is dealing with it much better! Sometimes, he looks like a defensive lineback, but at least there is no pushing for the most part!
The other day, I went to take a shower, which is a hard moment for Simon because he has to separate from me. He started to cry, and Noah went over to him saying, "Monkey, monkey, monkey," in a singsong way, the way I would say it when we read a certain story, until Simon stopped crying and started smiling. Very sweet!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Missing Noah
Well, it has been 5 days since Noah left with Nano to see his family in Chile. The night before last I was beside myself with grief. I felt like I did at the hospital when he was just born and they had taken him away and wouldn't let me go see him. I want to be with my baby! They aren't scheduled to be back until January 4th, which truly seems like an eternity from now. Nano is exhausted too, given that he is 100% caregiver, 100% of the time. He even looked into returning early, and it would cost $3200 -- which is way more than anyone in their right mind would pay for anything (How do these airlines get away with that???!!), except maybe a new car.
Yesterday we got to connect with Facetime. We had tried the couple of days prior, but it just seemed too awkward. But, I took the phone with me and showed him things around the house, and then set up his race track and played with the cars with him, all remotely. We had lots of fun. It made me feel just a little better. At the beginning of the conversation, I said to him, "Noah, I miss you so much, what can I do?"
He said, "maybe we can talk every day."
I said, "Okay, that's a good idea. How do you feel in Chile?"
"I feel good in Chile. But I still love you."
By the end of the conversation, he didn't want to hang up with me. We really got to feel close again, even from miles away. But, the distance is creeping up on me again! I really, really miss that guy. The house is so quiet. I miss his witty responses, his endless energy, his sweet body next to mine as he tries to fall asleep.
Yesterday we got to connect with Facetime. We had tried the couple of days prior, but it just seemed too awkward. But, I took the phone with me and showed him things around the house, and then set up his race track and played with the cars with him, all remotely. We had lots of fun. It made me feel just a little better. At the beginning of the conversation, I said to him, "Noah, I miss you so much, what can I do?"
He said, "maybe we can talk every day."
I said, "Okay, that's a good idea. How do you feel in Chile?"
"I feel good in Chile. But I still love you."
By the end of the conversation, he didn't want to hang up with me. We really got to feel close again, even from miles away. But, the distance is creeping up on me again! I really, really miss that guy. The house is so quiet. I miss his witty responses, his endless energy, his sweet body next to mine as he tries to fall asleep.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Simon: Tiny steps, new words!
Simon has officially taken his first step! Okay, well it was really just a tiny "shuffle," but I think it counts! On Noah's birthday, he started standing up from the floor by himself, and while standing there, shuffled his foot to keep his balance! :) He has since stood for about 20 seconds, and shuffled once more. I actually got it on video, so I'll have to come update this post soon! Noah is proud of his brother, and was laughing and encouraging as he was doing it. I thought he might be walking within a couple of weeks, but he doesn't really show much interest in practicing, knowing he's much quicker on his hands and knee/foot (crabcrawl). We'll see when he actually starts walking! My prediction is still for 15 months (he'll be 15 months in a few days).
He also has a few new words! After "uh-oh," which showed up at 12 months, he started saying, "no, no, no," when doing something he is not supposed to. His favorite forbidden activity is to pick up Monty's dry cat food, put it in his mouth, and say, "no, no, no, no, no, no, no." I hear a little ding sound of the food/hand in the bowl, and then the nos, and know exactly what he's doing! He has also started saying the word, "ball," which of course sounds like "bah." He picked it up from one of his books, where I repeated the word to him, and he repeated after me, and has applied it to other circumstances, like this morning, when I had him in the car and there was a ball next to him that he wanted.
Simon has been very receptive to language. I don't know if it is because I am more aware of how babies learn, or if he is just focusing more on that than other skills right now. We also spend a lot of time reading while he uses the toilet (that's what keeps him on there; otherwise, he would want to jump right down). He tries to say bird, which sounds like "bwah," every time we look at the page with a bird on it.
Overall, he's much more engaged with the world now. He has lots of belly laughs, makes little jokes, and loves playing. He also has some serious separation anxiety, but seems to deal with it okay. He is now starting to push Noah away when I have him on my lap, so now they both need to learn to share mommy!!
He also has a few new words! After "uh-oh," which showed up at 12 months, he started saying, "no, no, no," when doing something he is not supposed to. His favorite forbidden activity is to pick up Monty's dry cat food, put it in his mouth, and say, "no, no, no, no, no, no, no." I hear a little ding sound of the food/hand in the bowl, and then the nos, and know exactly what he's doing! He has also started saying the word, "ball," which of course sounds like "bah." He picked it up from one of his books, where I repeated the word to him, and he repeated after me, and has applied it to other circumstances, like this morning, when I had him in the car and there was a ball next to him that he wanted.
Simon has been very receptive to language. I don't know if it is because I am more aware of how babies learn, or if he is just focusing more on that than other skills right now. We also spend a lot of time reading while he uses the toilet (that's what keeps him on there; otherwise, he would want to jump right down). He tries to say bird, which sounds like "bwah," every time we look at the page with a bird on it.
Overall, he's much more engaged with the world now. He has lots of belly laughs, makes little jokes, and loves playing. He also has some serious separation anxiety, but seems to deal with it okay. He is now starting to push Noah away when I have him on my lap, so now they both need to learn to share mommy!!
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Sibling Rivalry
Well, it's finally here. Noah is having a hard time with Simon, and we are battling with some aggression issues. It got to the point that anytime Simon was around, Noah wanted to "play." Then, the play was always a bit too rough, and we found ourselves constantly reminding him to be gentle with Simon. Then, he would run and slide into Simon, then sit a little too close, and partly on top of him. Then, the hitting and kicking started with Bianca. It continued with us. He is clearly testing us, and it is a really tough test!
A few nights ago, he told me that when Bianca is here, he makes Simon sad. I said, "how do you do that?" He said, "I pinch his cheeks." I said, "how do you think that makes him feel?" His answer, "sad." "How does it make you feel?" "Well, my body thinks it's happy."
We have talked about his body before, as in, "listen to your body. If you are tired, you can go to sleep. Don't fight it." I think it's his way of conceptualizing two opposing thoughts/feelings at the same time. I can tell he feels sad because he hurt his brother, but also happy/satisfied for doing so. Of course, this is totally normal. But, of course, it is also totally unacceptable!
While time outs worked for us for a while, they seem to have lost their effectiveness. First, we did them in our room (because we can keep the door closed), but he has finally figured out that he can start going through our stuff while in there, rather than being in time out. So this is no longer a viable option. Second, he just doesn't seem to respond to them anymore.
So, I have turned to the approach of Positive Discipline (I'm reading the book by Jane Nelson) to see what they have to say. The points are very good ones, and they totally resonate. Parents need to be firm but kind (not strict, and not pushovers). Children's behavior is goal-driven, and their primary goal is to have a sense of belonging and significance. So, if they misbehave, it is because they are confused about their place/role in the family. Punishment is ineffective because it leads to thoughts of resentment, revenge, trying to get away with it next time, or feeling inadequate. This also resonates -- who ever remembers the "crime" for which they were punished as a child? Usually, only the punishment remains in our memory.
There are 4 different types of misbehavior -- undue attention, misguided power, revenge seeking, and feelings of inadequacy. Again, Noah's behavior clearly falls into these first two categories. The book suggests you can know which one it is by how you feel when they misbehave. If you feel annoyed, it is probably undue attention. If you feel like you want to control them or win, it is a power struggle.
The suggested ways of dealing with them are helpful. For example, for power struggles, it suggests saying, I can see we are in a power struggle. Let's take a break and see if we can try to come to a solution. Then, problem solving. You want x. I want y. How can we both come out winning? It gives children and adults control rather than pitting one against the other.
For both of the relevant categories, it suggests trying to win them over. This means first, stating. I've noticed you've been doing x. I imagine you are feeling y. I understand how you could feel that way. I felt that way when.... But, we need to do z. How do you think we can get there?
Okay, so this is total over-simplification, but it is helpful. Another hugely important approach is to fill up your child's love and positive power basket! It suggests spending alone time with the child (we've all heard that one before) and allowing lots of positive power opportunities. So, invite them to help you with tasks (even though you probably don't need any help).
I was a little at a loss of how to deal with Noah's behavior in the moment. Do we punish? Obviously, I don't want him to get away with it! But, I do believe that truly at the core of the action are his feelings of worry about being loved, about feeling replaced. So, it really does make sense to address those feelings. Then, the misbehavior in theory will resolve itself.
On Thursday and Friday this week, I had the day off, since my babysitter could not work those days. On Friday, I focused very definitely on positive power. I asked him to help me squeeze the glue to fix a toy, to tape up a package I needed to mail, to help protect Simon as he was trying to climb up and down the stairs (I let him stand right behind him instead of me, and asked him to make sure he didn't fall), I asked him to feed Simon. All of these tasks give him a sense of power, importance. I think helping with Simon is particularly important, because it converts him to a role of caregiver rather than aggressor. Obviously, doing this at moments when he is happy and there is no conflict is key!
I also talked with Noah about his feelings in the evenings when Simon was asleep. I told him I thought he was feeling like Simon was getting more attention that he wanted, which was why he was throwing things at Simon. I let him know other things he could do instead, like ask for attention, or ask for a hug. I told him he would get the attention if he tried this approach instead.
So Thursday was still a challenge, before I was really trying to do the positive power. But Friday was so much better! Even just a small change in my approach, and he was not antagonizing his brother! (Of course, one other major difference on Friday was that he was with me instead of his babysitter after preschool pick-up at 12.) I think we went the whole day with no aggression, until Nano got home. At that point, I went upstairs to do something, and Simon was screaming a lot (his way of calling attention to his discomfort), so Noah hit him. I think in this case, it was truly just a bad choice on how to deal with being annoyed by his brother, rather than trying to get attention. (Which I think needs another discipline approach entirely!) Overall, though, the approach seems to be helping. Ironically, I had read about and implemented this approach before, when things had gotten a bit rough, and it really helped. Yet, I had let things slip, as I guess we always do when we get wrapped up in the rest of life.
I really hope things get better! I'm pretty sure it is just a phase, but how we deal with it will be important to our future battles/challenges.
A few nights ago, he told me that when Bianca is here, he makes Simon sad. I said, "how do you do that?" He said, "I pinch his cheeks." I said, "how do you think that makes him feel?" His answer, "sad." "How does it make you feel?" "Well, my body thinks it's happy."
We have talked about his body before, as in, "listen to your body. If you are tired, you can go to sleep. Don't fight it." I think it's his way of conceptualizing two opposing thoughts/feelings at the same time. I can tell he feels sad because he hurt his brother, but also happy/satisfied for doing so. Of course, this is totally normal. But, of course, it is also totally unacceptable!
While time outs worked for us for a while, they seem to have lost their effectiveness. First, we did them in our room (because we can keep the door closed), but he has finally figured out that he can start going through our stuff while in there, rather than being in time out. So this is no longer a viable option. Second, he just doesn't seem to respond to them anymore.
So, I have turned to the approach of Positive Discipline (I'm reading the book by Jane Nelson) to see what they have to say. The points are very good ones, and they totally resonate. Parents need to be firm but kind (not strict, and not pushovers). Children's behavior is goal-driven, and their primary goal is to have a sense of belonging and significance. So, if they misbehave, it is because they are confused about their place/role in the family. Punishment is ineffective because it leads to thoughts of resentment, revenge, trying to get away with it next time, or feeling inadequate. This also resonates -- who ever remembers the "crime" for which they were punished as a child? Usually, only the punishment remains in our memory.
There are 4 different types of misbehavior -- undue attention, misguided power, revenge seeking, and feelings of inadequacy. Again, Noah's behavior clearly falls into these first two categories. The book suggests you can know which one it is by how you feel when they misbehave. If you feel annoyed, it is probably undue attention. If you feel like you want to control them or win, it is a power struggle.
The suggested ways of dealing with them are helpful. For example, for power struggles, it suggests saying, I can see we are in a power struggle. Let's take a break and see if we can try to come to a solution. Then, problem solving. You want x. I want y. How can we both come out winning? It gives children and adults control rather than pitting one against the other.
For both of the relevant categories, it suggests trying to win them over. This means first, stating. I've noticed you've been doing x. I imagine you are feeling y. I understand how you could feel that way. I felt that way when.... But, we need to do z. How do you think we can get there?
Okay, so this is total over-simplification, but it is helpful. Another hugely important approach is to fill up your child's love and positive power basket! It suggests spending alone time with the child (we've all heard that one before) and allowing lots of positive power opportunities. So, invite them to help you with tasks (even though you probably don't need any help).
I was a little at a loss of how to deal with Noah's behavior in the moment. Do we punish? Obviously, I don't want him to get away with it! But, I do believe that truly at the core of the action are his feelings of worry about being loved, about feeling replaced. So, it really does make sense to address those feelings. Then, the misbehavior in theory will resolve itself.
On Thursday and Friday this week, I had the day off, since my babysitter could not work those days. On Friday, I focused very definitely on positive power. I asked him to help me squeeze the glue to fix a toy, to tape up a package I needed to mail, to help protect Simon as he was trying to climb up and down the stairs (I let him stand right behind him instead of me, and asked him to make sure he didn't fall), I asked him to feed Simon. All of these tasks give him a sense of power, importance. I think helping with Simon is particularly important, because it converts him to a role of caregiver rather than aggressor. Obviously, doing this at moments when he is happy and there is no conflict is key!
I also talked with Noah about his feelings in the evenings when Simon was asleep. I told him I thought he was feeling like Simon was getting more attention that he wanted, which was why he was throwing things at Simon. I let him know other things he could do instead, like ask for attention, or ask for a hug. I told him he would get the attention if he tried this approach instead.
So Thursday was still a challenge, before I was really trying to do the positive power. But Friday was so much better! Even just a small change in my approach, and he was not antagonizing his brother! (Of course, one other major difference on Friday was that he was with me instead of his babysitter after preschool pick-up at 12.) I think we went the whole day with no aggression, until Nano got home. At that point, I went upstairs to do something, and Simon was screaming a lot (his way of calling attention to his discomfort), so Noah hit him. I think in this case, it was truly just a bad choice on how to deal with being annoyed by his brother, rather than trying to get attention. (Which I think needs another discipline approach entirely!) Overall, though, the approach seems to be helping. Ironically, I had read about and implemented this approach before, when things had gotten a bit rough, and it really helped. Yet, I had let things slip, as I guess we always do when we get wrapped up in the rest of life.
I really hope things get better! I'm pretty sure it is just a phase, but how we deal with it will be important to our future battles/challenges.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
What they are doing
It occurs to me that time with these young tots is flying, and before I know it, I won't remember what it was like when they were little! So, I'm going to do my best to get on here to write for my own benefit!
Simon is a sweet little character with lots of smiles, though his laughs are more discriminating. Lately, we have been playing a game in the tub where he stands up and places a toy in my mouth, then, I shoot it out in a surprising way. He finds this hilarious. He then plops back down into the tub and collects the toy, all to be repeated again, and again, and again. He hates to have his diaper put on, and hates to be still to sit on the toilet (yes, we are still catching about 99 percent of his poop in the pot), so we have to be armed with toys, books, or something else of interest if we want him to be still. When I get home in the afternoon, he comes crawling over to me, whining, as he has clearly missed me during the day. He often goes through bouts where he wants to get down, but as soon as we put him down, he wants to be picked up. He wants to explore, or find a toy, but wants to come right back to our arms.
Sometimes, after I get to "sleep in" a bit, he will smile a huge, radiant ray of sun across his cheeks when he sees me again in the morning. This is great sweetness! He likes songs and loves books, and loves to crawl up the stairs (still can't go down safely). However, he spends a lot of time watching what is going on around him, as I deal with Noah much of the time I am with him. Life as a second child sure is different!
When Nano gets home, Simon cries to be held by his papa! He shines that bright smile to be held and loved by his awesome dad!
When he nurses, he likes to have something in his hands. Sometimes it's a blanket, sometimes it's his own hands, and sometimes it's mine. Noah used to stroke my hair, but it is now too short for a nursling to reach. He is not a big nurser, and often will not sit still long enough to nurse when I get home (despite really needing the comfort and caloric re-charge). On week days, he oftentimes just nurses twice the whole day.
We had the 12 month visit, and he has dropped to 25th percentile for weight (40th for height). The doctor was mildly concerned, since he has dropped in percentile the last 3 visits, and was born at 90th percentile. I know my working more has a lot to do with it, as he is nursing less. She suggested introducing dairy. We tried for a few days, and then stopped, since he was wakeful and hard to settle in the night. We'll give it another try soon.
Meanwhile, Noah is amazing. He can count to forty, he can write his name, and he can sound out a few words. He likes learning, and I am always emphasizing to him that we learn by asking questions, and even adults are always learning. He also has a keen sense of his own emotions. Around Halloween, he was afraid of one of the houses nearby, as it was strewn with gravestones and skeletons. He shielded his eyes when walking by for the first few times, and then, he said, "maybe if I look at it a lot, I will think it is funny." Then, he wanted to try looking at it. After a couple of times, he was ready to look at it in detail. Then, he was fine, and thought it was fun. He tells me he loves me often, as well as his other family members. He still loves his school, and has started saying that he has friends there, "I have three friends: Jack, Liam, and Kenny."
The other day, Noah took a pair of sewing scissors to Nano's headphones, unbeknownst to us. One morning, Nano discovered the headphones clipped, rendered inoperable. He asked me what had happened, and I said I thought it was Noah. I suggested that he handle it by asking Noah, "Do you know anything about this?" Nano brought it up with Noah in that way, who responded, "Um, maybe someone cut it or something? I think maybe it was Simon." Then, he brought him over to Simon's jumper toy, and said, "Look!" There was another thing destroyed -- the strap holding up the seat was 1/4 of the way snipped. Nano didn't say anything else.
Later, I approached Noah, and said, "Noah, I think you cut Papa's headphones, and Simon's toy. It's not okay to cut things. Scissors are for cutting paper. If you want to experiment, and practice cutting other things, you have to tell me, and I can help you find something. It's not okay to play with scissors. I'm going to have to keep them far away from you until I can trust you again. I'm going to keep them up here in the cabinet. Do you think that's a good place?" (He has been known to try to reach in the tall cabinet with a chair.) "Um, maybe you should put it up on the refrigerator," he answered.
I took this approach thanks to the research suggesting that all children learn to lie, and that it is actually a normal part of development. Rather than trying to get them to admit it, they say to just say what you think happened, and what the consequence is. This advice was right on!
Today, Scarlett came to visit, and she wanted to play with the clown game, one in which you balance balls on the clown, and try not to make him topple over. Noah adamantly said, "no!" It became a match of wills, and started to escalate. I said to him, "Noah, Scarlett really wants to play with this game, but you don't want to. Can you tell me what the problem is? Why do you not want to play?" He said, "The clown always falls down!" So, I said, "Can you think of what we can do? Maybe you can play with these pieces, but leave the clown in the box?" They both agreed and went to play happily. Well, that is, until Noah's version of the game was to then knock over Scarlett's pieces, which made her very angry!
Parenting a 3 year old is constantly negotiating, putting out fires, trying to be creative, trying to keep a general semblance of normalcy, and constantly picking up what looks like the remains of a tornado running through the house. It is exhausting, though of course, also rewarding! It is really hard to be "on" all the time, and successfully deal with all the behavioral stuff. My most recent challenge is how to deal with Noah being too rough with Simon. He will slide into him, roll over onto him, and push him down. Most of the time, it is really just a simple issue of him not knowing his own strength, but not being willing to modify it. I'm going to have to think about how to deal with this one!
Simon is a sweet little character with lots of smiles, though his laughs are more discriminating. Lately, we have been playing a game in the tub where he stands up and places a toy in my mouth, then, I shoot it out in a surprising way. He finds this hilarious. He then plops back down into the tub and collects the toy, all to be repeated again, and again, and again. He hates to have his diaper put on, and hates to be still to sit on the toilet (yes, we are still catching about 99 percent of his poop in the pot), so we have to be armed with toys, books, or something else of interest if we want him to be still. When I get home in the afternoon, he comes crawling over to me, whining, as he has clearly missed me during the day. He often goes through bouts where he wants to get down, but as soon as we put him down, he wants to be picked up. He wants to explore, or find a toy, but wants to come right back to our arms.
Sometimes, after I get to "sleep in" a bit, he will smile a huge, radiant ray of sun across his cheeks when he sees me again in the morning. This is great sweetness! He likes songs and loves books, and loves to crawl up the stairs (still can't go down safely). However, he spends a lot of time watching what is going on around him, as I deal with Noah much of the time I am with him. Life as a second child sure is different!
When Nano gets home, Simon cries to be held by his papa! He shines that bright smile to be held and loved by his awesome dad!
When he nurses, he likes to have something in his hands. Sometimes it's a blanket, sometimes it's his own hands, and sometimes it's mine. Noah used to stroke my hair, but it is now too short for a nursling to reach. He is not a big nurser, and often will not sit still long enough to nurse when I get home (despite really needing the comfort and caloric re-charge). On week days, he oftentimes just nurses twice the whole day.
We had the 12 month visit, and he has dropped to 25th percentile for weight (40th for height). The doctor was mildly concerned, since he has dropped in percentile the last 3 visits, and was born at 90th percentile. I know my working more has a lot to do with it, as he is nursing less. She suggested introducing dairy. We tried for a few days, and then stopped, since he was wakeful and hard to settle in the night. We'll give it another try soon.
Meanwhile, Noah is amazing. He can count to forty, he can write his name, and he can sound out a few words. He likes learning, and I am always emphasizing to him that we learn by asking questions, and even adults are always learning. He also has a keen sense of his own emotions. Around Halloween, he was afraid of one of the houses nearby, as it was strewn with gravestones and skeletons. He shielded his eyes when walking by for the first few times, and then, he said, "maybe if I look at it a lot, I will think it is funny." Then, he wanted to try looking at it. After a couple of times, he was ready to look at it in detail. Then, he was fine, and thought it was fun. He tells me he loves me often, as well as his other family members. He still loves his school, and has started saying that he has friends there, "I have three friends: Jack, Liam, and Kenny."
The other day, Noah took a pair of sewing scissors to Nano's headphones, unbeknownst to us. One morning, Nano discovered the headphones clipped, rendered inoperable. He asked me what had happened, and I said I thought it was Noah. I suggested that he handle it by asking Noah, "Do you know anything about this?" Nano brought it up with Noah in that way, who responded, "Um, maybe someone cut it or something? I think maybe it was Simon." Then, he brought him over to Simon's jumper toy, and said, "Look!" There was another thing destroyed -- the strap holding up the seat was 1/4 of the way snipped. Nano didn't say anything else.
Later, I approached Noah, and said, "Noah, I think you cut Papa's headphones, and Simon's toy. It's not okay to cut things. Scissors are for cutting paper. If you want to experiment, and practice cutting other things, you have to tell me, and I can help you find something. It's not okay to play with scissors. I'm going to have to keep them far away from you until I can trust you again. I'm going to keep them up here in the cabinet. Do you think that's a good place?" (He has been known to try to reach in the tall cabinet with a chair.) "Um, maybe you should put it up on the refrigerator," he answered.
I took this approach thanks to the research suggesting that all children learn to lie, and that it is actually a normal part of development. Rather than trying to get them to admit it, they say to just say what you think happened, and what the consequence is. This advice was right on!
Today, Scarlett came to visit, and she wanted to play with the clown game, one in which you balance balls on the clown, and try not to make him topple over. Noah adamantly said, "no!" It became a match of wills, and started to escalate. I said to him, "Noah, Scarlett really wants to play with this game, but you don't want to. Can you tell me what the problem is? Why do you not want to play?" He said, "The clown always falls down!" So, I said, "Can you think of what we can do? Maybe you can play with these pieces, but leave the clown in the box?" They both agreed and went to play happily. Well, that is, until Noah's version of the game was to then knock over Scarlett's pieces, which made her very angry!
Parenting a 3 year old is constantly negotiating, putting out fires, trying to be creative, trying to keep a general semblance of normalcy, and constantly picking up what looks like the remains of a tornado running through the house. It is exhausting, though of course, also rewarding! It is really hard to be "on" all the time, and successfully deal with all the behavioral stuff. My most recent challenge is how to deal with Noah being too rough with Simon. He will slide into him, roll over onto him, and push him down. Most of the time, it is really just a simple issue of him not knowing his own strength, but not being willing to modify it. I'm going to have to think about how to deal with this one!
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